Saturday, April 01, 2006

 

Undead not so undead!


Does Amazon deliver during the apocolypse?







Zombies walk the earth!










No one knows why we have been so suddenly thrust into a world knit from nightmare, but as your grandmother's dentures lodged bicuspid-deep in your Louisville Slugger testifies: the zombie apocalypse is upon us.

It's uncertain why Z-Day stuck on that fateful day in late March. Some blame the Venusian orbiter that reentered our atmosphere, metal and glass sopping with fell atomic resonance; Some point half-chewed knuckles at the chemicals and elements leached into our landfills after decades of poorly-disposed-of consumer electronics waste.

Others speak of a sorcerous lunatic cabal, enslaving the population with white stela in pocket-sized effigy, inscribed with the runic twin annuli emblematic of their music-woven moon cult. First those under their sway thought different; then they were different.

Whatever the reason, we are faced with the same problem humanity has always faced, honed to a razor's edge: survival. That's why Gizombo will continue to provide the latest updates on gadgetry that will keep you and your still-living loved ones aliveā€”at least until the dozens of oozing commuters begin to clog the tracks on which our never-halting subway command center rides, sending us sparking to our final resting place inside a cold and bloody iron womb with only a single shotgun shell for comfort.


If you come looking for us, we will holed up in Mulligans.

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