Wednesday, July 26, 2006


Sorry, but my children bore me to death!

By Andrea Yates.

There are so many subtitles to this article it is making my head spin. Worst mother in the world winning essay. Me, me, me, how children fit into my life. How to guarantee an ackward Christmas. Narcissus, "I stared into a pond and turned into Helen Kirwan-Taylor." I bet you think I am being harsh? If so then I bet you haven't read the article yet.

To be honest, I spent much of the early years of my children's lives in a workaholic frenzy because the thought of spending time with them was more stressful than any journalistic assignment I could imagine.

Kids are supposed to be fulfilling, life-changing, life-enhancing fun: why was my attitude towards them so different?

She begins many of her revelatory sentences with phrases promising honesty and I take her at her word. Afterall, it would be psychopathic to write a long essay about how painful it is to spend time with your children. Unless she is setting up the Yates defense. The only advice I can give to those children is to start taking showers. To answer Ms. Kirwan-Taylor's question, because you are self-absorbed and you should not have had children. For people like you children are an accessory. A totem of a successful life. "My name is Helen Kirwan-Taylor, Look at my husband, children, house ye other overeducated narcissists and despair!"

Psychotherapist Kati St Clair has listened to the frustrations of scores of mothers. 'Women now feel great pressure to enjoy their children at all times,' she says. 'The truth is, a lot of it is plain tedium. It's very unlikely that a mother doesn't love her child, but it can be very dull. Still, it takes a brave woman to admit that.'

All us bored mothers can take comfort from the fact that our children may yet turn out to be more balanced than those who are love-bombed from the day they are born. [Emphasis added.]

Because that is the problem with the world today- over loved children. WOW! I mean really wow. It does not take a lot of guts to admit that children can be exasperating but it does take gigantic chutzpah to say that withholding your attention is the path to a well adjusted child. Helen, girlfriend, its not about you any more. I don't know what you expected when you had children. Was the first one exciting and the second one just dull as dishwater? Or maybe you just got tired of the daily routine that you did not see coming because this has never happened to anyone else in world history. So you were blindsided. Well TOUGH. Suck it up and play a damn board game with your kids.

Frankly, as long as you've fed them, sheltered them and told them they are loved, children will be fine. Mine are — at the risk of sounding smug — well-adjusted, creative children who respect the concept of work. They also accept my limitations.

They stopped asking me to take them to the park (how tedious) years ago. But now when I try to entertain them and say: 'Why don't we get out the Monopoly board?' they simply look at me woefully and sigh: 'Don't bother, Mum, you'll just get bored.'

How right they are.

Seriously, what is the English equivalent of CPS?


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